


I Remember Her (난 그녀가 기억해)

by hankyeonghwe



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 00:31:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7553185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hankyeonghwe/pseuds/hankyeonghwe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are easy when you're an average highschool girl, living a seemingly normal life. Innocent, pretty little Lu Fei was such a girl, until one day something inside her changed forever. From that day she would have to lay down the curling iron and blush, and face a new life as Lu Han. A new country, new name and new look felt like a death sentence for Lu Han, but his prediction didn't factor in the appearance of a dancer named Oh Sehun.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Remember Her (난 그녀가 기억해)

**I remember her.**

* * *

Lu Fei.

With flowing brunette hair that she used to curl every morning. Her favorite shade of scarlet nail polish and peach-colored blush, which she wore on special occasions, like shopping trips with her friends or times when she felt down. She was beautiful, popular, and youthful in both her looks and bashful innocence. A late bloomer if ever there was one. Though for all her charms, she’d been plagued with loneliness for her entire life. The one boy she confessed to in middle school had straight up turned her down. When she asked why, the answer he gave her was anything but straightforward.  _I don’t know, it’s just something about you. I don’t think about you that way, we’re more like siblings_.

Things all changed when one day, she woke up with a splitting headache and sweats drenching her whole body. Burning up, she clutched her stomach as if to contain it within her, feeling like it was going to rip her apart from the inside out. A quick shower, and the pain slowly subsided. She had no time to rest; today was the day of her all important entrance exam.  _It's just a stress omen_ , she thought. Scarlet nails and peach blush for good luck. It would hide her sickly pale tone that had overcome her usual, porcelain complexion.

However halfway through the exam, it began again. A light pulse in her head quickly shifted gear into full-throttle agony. A quick drink was all she needed, as she excused herself between the two halves of the test. Her feet carried her as far as the street across the road, before a final, sideways wrenching of her insides had her body give way beneath her. On the floor, her mouth began to foam with an authentic scarlet, identical to that of her nails. Half of the strangers around her fled, whilst others came to her rescue. After that, her memory was missing a distinct few hours, until her eyes were scorched by the fluorescent lights of a hospital ward, looking down to see a variety of colored lines piercing her arm. She could see the silhouettes of two men behind the screen by her bed, whispering in hushed tones as the doctor explained her options with her brother, her last surviving guardian.

Two halves of her– complete opposites– were fighting for control inside of her, and one side was winning. But the fight was damaging her entire body. The losing team was all but destroyed, a useless husk lying inside of her, but it was determined to bring Lu Fei down with it. If it wasn’t removed soon, it would be end game for all parties involved. But if she were to give up that weaker half, what would take its place? The foundation of her identity as a human being was founded on that losing half. Both options offered a death of a kind; of her body, or her soul. Either way, Lu Fei was doomed of this world: this, she had to accept. What she needed to decide was what she was going to become when Lu Fei was gone.

And so, Lu Han was born.

To the trash with her scarlet nail polish and her peach blush. To her flowing, brunette curls he brought a pair of scissors. He quickly lopped them off in an uneven bob, as she couldn’t bare to watch the reams of hair fall to the floor with every slice. He later had this professionally cut, picking the first idol from a celebrity magazine to be his model. Lu Fei was all but gone, and Lu Han had now come into this world.

His brother, though tight for money after they’d moved countries, did his best to buy him an entire new set of makeup. He traded cute and beautiful for flattering and understated, but he hated how bland it made him look. Goodbye to the eyeliner wings and pastel lip-gloss, hello tight-lining and lip balm. There were positives though. None of the girls would tease him for being flat chested anymore. Guys’ clothes were also more comfortable, and more flattering to his mysteriously broad shoulders. The underwear wasn’t easy to adjust to, especially with a change in equipment… down there. Short hair was also less irritating to manage, but more of a challenge to style nicely. This was where having an older brother for once proved advantageous. Lu Han couldn’t believe how just a little bit of product here and there set off an entirely new image. It was almost invigorating, this new discovery.

The first day of school was met with a degree of stares that Lu Han had never experienced before.  _Omo, he’s so pretty!_  Girls would say as they passed him by.  _Look at the chick over there, in the sexy ripped jeans. What? That’s a guy?!_  Apparently ripped boyfriend jeans, Doc Martens, boat neck tees and leather jackets weren’t boyish enough for this school.  _Feminine chic_  was the term a girl tossed over his shoulder in the hall once. The gossip was hard to stomach, especially when he felt almost naked without his peach blush and scarlet nail polish to curb his self-consciousness. That was, until a face emerged from the voices behind him.

“Hey, I’m Oh Sehun. I sit behind you in class.” So what if he was the dancing heartthrob of the school? Lu Han didn’t do popular anymore, and Sehun was probably the most dreamed about guy in this school, and was sitting across from him in the cafeteria. More stares flocked to them, like an army of ants over a fallen scoop of ice cream. “You’re Lu Han, right?” He nodded from over his spoonful of rice and kimchi. He waited for Sehun to just ask him whatever was on his mind, because the quicker this was over, the sooner he could get back to enduring the intrusive glares of the entire school burning into the back of his head. “So uhm, how long have you been here? People say you transferred from China.”

“Six months.” He answered after swallowing his food. Suddenly the once delicious cafeteria food tasted bland in the presence of company, even if his lunch buddy was an attractively ageless boy in a dark blue hoodie and tight jeans.

“ _Daebak!_  Your Korean is so good.” Lu Han knew it was a lie, since anyone intelligent enough to count could say ‘six months’. Sehun’s attitude started to get on his nerves, to say the least.

“Is there anything you need help with?” He asked in frustration, putting down his spoon and holding his chopsticks so loosely that they ended up crossing. He tried not to speak too loudly, so he could focus on keeping his voice at a male-appropriate tone, but even then people still thought he sounded like a woman. He hadn’t had enough vocal training before his brother sent him back to school.  _She_ ’d been an alto in the choir all her life, and had a range that surpassed all of her peers. Lu Han had abandoned singing ever since she died, and was too afraid to try it again.

“World history.” Sehun suggested quickly.

“Excuse me?” Lu Han’s blank dissatisfaction turned to a disdained startle.

“I’m really bad at world history, and the agency that scouted me says I need to do well in school to be considered for a position in the company.” There it was.  _The favor_. His brother had warned him about boys and their ‘favors’.  _Things always start with favors, so be careful of pretty boys and their favors Hannie!_  Lu Han was still feeling bitter about the fact that nothing about his preferences had changed, except now society labeled him by a thousand derogatory terms. He’d gone from perfectly normal to scum of the world, and it was all because of something he’d been born with.

“Is that a humble brag?” He asked, returning to his cafeteria lunch.

“What?”

“‘The agency that scouted me’. Sounds a bit like you’re bragging about how attractive you are.” Lu Han pointed out, before delicately biting down on a piece of  _dakgangjeong_.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I was just explaining my situation to you. And I don’t really need help with world history.” He admitted under a mouthful of rice. Lu Han was struggling with the idea of Sehun even talking to him, but sitting down to eat with him, when all his friends were watching from the table behind Luhan (their sneers had not gone unnoticed) was even stranger. It made him feel less like a person and more like a spectacle to behold.

“Does that mean you didn’t really get scouted by an agent either?” Sehun dropped his eyelids in a flat, pained expression. Lu Han kept his eyes trained at his tray of food, expressionless and deeply uninterested in Sehun’s opinion at this point in time.

“I was making conversation. You’ve been at this school for weeks now and no one knows anything about you. Curiosity kind of got the better of me.”

“Do you know the story about curiosity and the cat?” Lu Han warned. Curiosity was the first step to probing questions about Lu Han’s past, which was only six months old. Questions about  _that_  would lead to inquiries about  _her_ , and that was something Lu Han wanted the world to forget, and for these people to never find out about.

“Is that a Chinese proverb or something?” He seemed honestly confused, but Lu Han was too blinded by Sehun’s impertinence and his own anger to take it lightly.

“Go look it up, smart aleck.” He huffed, before picking up his tray and storming off. A chorus of low  _oohs_  sounded from the table behind him, and it made Lu Han want to drive a fist into Sehun’s chest for ridiculing him like that in public. Was it not enough to leave him be?

“How was your first day at school?” His older brother asked from the kitchen.

“Fine.” Lu Han muttered on his way from the fridge to his room, before slamming the door and flopping onto the bed, leaving his drink on the side table. He curled up into a pillow and sighed, hoping it would calm his rage at Oh Sehun’s precocious questions. His brother came in soon after, said nothing, and just back hugged his younger brother on the bed. The two lay there quietly, until Lu Han felt well enough to sit up again and return the gesture.

“You know I love you more than anything, right Hannie?”

“Of course I do.” He grinned, leaning into his brother’s shoulder. He liked that nickname. “Thank you for everything bro. You’re the only thing keeping my head above water right now.” No matter what name, makeup or haircut he assumed, his brother was always the first person to tell him how wonderful he looked or how amazing he was. Family was the only thing Lu Han had in his life, and that family consisted of exactly one older brother, the very one who’d taken care of him like a child of his own for the last few years.

From that day on, Lu Han had a reputation painted over him at school, like a lucky dip prize that he’d been forced to accept. A cold, quick-witted and unfeeling loner. Stylish beyond compare, with ice water for blood and a steel cage for a heart. Though in spite of this, a few friends managed to break through this barrier. First it was Kyungsoo, a fellow alto who forced himself into Lu Han’s routine. It all began when he had tried recruiting Lu Han into the choir, and the latter made the mistake of answering no with ‘I don’t sing anymore’. After that, the younger couldn’t leave very well enough alone. Unlike Sehun, Kyungsoo’s questions didn’t pervade too far into his past, and his answers were so generic, he felt safe no one would find out. He recruited a boy named Baekhyun in this effort, who had become so zealous in his quest he’d forced the girl sitting next to Lu Han to swap seats with him in class. They quickly became quite close, which only exacerbated the gossip surrounding the mysterious and fascinatingly androgynous Lu Han. But he couldn’t deny the relief he felt when his standing at school was reaffirmed by his two friends, whom he actually liked. She had a bountiful number of acquaintances, but Lu Han had  _friends_. Sehun would often say something from behind Lu Han while he was in conversation with Baekhyun, just to rub him up the wrong way, as Lu Han liked to think.

“Found another cat to play with?” He snickered, hands behind his head and feet up on his desk. It was the first break that he’d spent in homeroom, whilst Lu Han and Baekhyun were known homeroom veterans of break time. Seeing Baekhyun visibly shying away from the comment, Lu Han turned in his seat and threw one leg over the other when he looked at Sehun with his daring eyeliner and flat expression.

“Butt out of my conversations, prick.” Was all he said before picking up the conversation with Baekhyun, who was positively speechless until Sehun got up and walked out, still with that privileged, pretty boy smirk plastered to his face. “What the fuck is his deal? Is everything handed to him on a damn silver platter or something?” Nothing seemed to curb Sehun’s growing fascination for Lu Han, who only became increasingly frustrated with the way he went about it. An example was when Lu Han was walking through the halls with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo on each side, chatting amicably and even exchanging a few laughs. Sehun was walking in the opposite direction to them, and went to ruffle Kyungsoo’s hair as he passed them. His hand was an inch from Kyungsoo’s forehead when Lu Han seized his wrist and the four stopped dead in the hallway. A few scrying eyes began to make a scene out of the situation, but Lu Han stood firm. Baekhyun’s head immediately bowed down out of embarrassment, and Kyungsoo’s eyes were wide with surprise at the close save. Sehun went to move his hand but Lu Han only gripped harder, leaving small crescents where his fingernails began to dig into his wrist.

“Do you have a death wish Oh Sehun?” Lu Han asked with a tilted head and stern expression.

“Are you offering, Lulu?” That same, privileged smirk forced Lu Han’s hand to wretch Sehun’s wrist backward, though not hard.

“Stop interrupting my conversations, or you can have that wish shoved up your–”

“Lu Han!” Baekhyun huffed softly. “Let’s just go, we’re drawing a crowd.” Inhaling in a thin breath through gritted teeth, Lu Han pushed Sehun’s hand away and let his friends pass without interference, keeping a sharp eye on Sehun.

“Leave them alone” were Lu Han’s parting words, with a heavy note of warning laced in his voice.

“Promise me you’ll never fall for that prick’s charms.” He pleaded over lunch that same day.

“I’ll tell you what, you’re the one with the death wish Lu!” Baekhyun whined from beside him. “Pulling a stunt like that with  _Oh Sehun_? His friends are going to freak out!”

“That’s true. Those guys are so close, I’m pretty sure they all took blood oaths to be in that group. Like some weird fraternity initiation.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Lu Han shrugged, chewing over a mouthful of cold rice. “They all seem to have the intellect of your average frat boy.”

“Wanna say that to my face punk?” A gaunt, tanned figure threatened from over Lu Han. He looked slowly up to meet Kai with a death stare of note, expression about as emotive as any of his encounters with Sehun. Now it was Kyungsoo’s turn to shy away into his food at the sudden appearance of his ex-boyfriend. What he ever saw in that quick-tempered twig, only heaven knows. Lu Han opened his mouth to say something but then shrugged his shoulders, returning to his food.

“I was talking to  _you_ , you imported little shit!” Kai yelled, grabbing Lu Han by the arm and attempting to pull him up. Lu Han retaliated by yanking his arm toward himself and rocking Kai forward, close enough to grab the back of his neck, before slamming the side of his cheek against the table with a  _clash_  that rippled throughout the whole cafeteria.

“Don’t touch me while I’m eating.” Lu Han said plainly. Kai grumbled and cursed against the table for a while as Lu Han continued to maneuver his chopsticks with his free hand. Whenever he tried to use his hands to get himself free, Lu Han only needed to pinch his ear between his fingers and he would whimper into submission. A bunch of Kai’s friends just stood there, stuck in their shoes as they waited for the beloved leader to come upon the scene.

“KAI.” Sehun almost commanded, to which his subordinate answered with a scrambled attempt at the name of his leader. “I’d much appreciate it if you would let him go.” Sehun asked the sharp-nailed assailant very politely, though all formality was absent from his tone.

“What’s in it for me?” Lu Han asked through a mouthful of food rudely, sending a small puff of rice into Kai’s hair. Sehun knew exactly what Lu Han wanted from this stunt, though he tried as hard as he could to not throttle Lu Han in front of the whole cafeteria. Such a reaction would likely send them in a brawl that would probably injure Kai and himself, and now was the most critical time to be in top form. In light of this, he swallowed his pride and composed himself to give his answer.

“Fine, I’ll leave your friends alone.” Lu Han obligingly let the hotheaded Kai out of his grip, picked up his spoon and gouged a pillowy chunk of rice out from his tray. As the group walked away, Kai kept his gaze over his shoulder and began cursing all sorts of vows.

“I swear, one day I’m gonna pound the fucking brains out of that hussy.”

“Take me out to dinner first!” Lu Han yelled. Kai was so close to running over and exacting his revenge, but luckily two of his friends caught him by the arms, stopping him from doing anything stupid.

“He’s not worth it  _hyung_. What if you injure yourself before the performance?” A redheaded boy named Chanyeol tried to convince.

“You’re right.” He relented, pulling himself out of Chanyeol and Yixing’s grip and taking in a sharp breath. “You were a lot hotter when you weren’t such a fucking  _bitch!”_  The entire cafeteria waited for a reply, but Lu Han didn’t deem Kai’s remark worthy of one. When the fraternity dance crew had moved on, something Chanyeol said tugged at Lu Han’s curiosity.

“What’s this performance that redhead was talking about?” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo both nearly dropped their utensils in amazement.

“You mean you don’t know about Sehun’s dance crew?”

“I now know that it’s a dance crew run by that prick.”

“Wow, you’re really something else Lu.” Kyungsoo marveled. “Sehun, Kai, Chanyeol, Yixing, Jongdae and Junmyeon. They’re the dance crew called EXO.” He said it as if the name was meant to ring any bells, but Luhan’s blank expression only lead Baekhyun into a local history lesson.

“Originally it was Sehun, Kai and Yixing. They’re the founders, and they added Chanyeol pretty soon after, and then Junmyeon and Jongdae. They take it really seriously as well. Everything they do, from outfits to choreography and editing their videos, they decide by voting, like an oligarchy. When the votes get hung however, Sehun decides whatever he pleases.”

“Sounds like a cult.” Lu Han scoffed derisively.

“They have performances at the interschool festivals, and they have a huge fan base. The rumors say that Jongdae and Junmyeon have dated about half of them.”

“How come you two seem to know so much about them?”

“Uh–” Baekhyun stuttered, expression surprised by the abrupt shift in topic.

“Uhm…” Kyungsoo stammered, mouth drawn into a thin line as he bit his lip. The two looked to each other and then to Lu Han, until Kyungsoo then stuck his eyes to his tray of food. That was the last time Lu Han ever brought that particular question up again.

Slowly over the next few weeks, with no intention on Lu Han’s part, the cafeteria became a polarized battlefield on which this war was being waged. Lu Han versus EXO. Baekhyun and Kyungsoo were merely attachés to Lu Han’s one-man army, who had unknowingly caught the unwanted attention of EXO’s leader, Oh Sehun. It was more of a cold war than anything else. The worst of it for a long time was contained to the acidic glares Kai would shoot Luhan’s way whenever they passed each other, but Lu Han’s response was always an indifferent shrug. He couldn’t understand what was holding him back from yelling more abuse at him in passing.

“It’s most likely because Sehun told him not to for some reason.”

“Are you running a fever Baekhyun? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard!”

“No, he’s right.” Kyungsoo solemnly interjected. “Kai is out of control impulsive. He always does the first thing that pops into his head, and he’ll fight himself out of the consequences later.” It was chilling for Lu Han to here those words from the mouth of Kai’s ex-boyfriend. The way Kyungsoo pushed his food around for the rest of that day made Lu Han too afraid to ask him the burning question on his lips.

“The truth is, he refuses talk to me about it either.” Baekhyun told him once when it was just the two of them in class. “Of course I noticed how different he was when they dated. Signs I guess. But I couldn’t be sure of anything.”

“Signs?”

“Well,” Baekhyun bit his lip before he continued, looking as guilty as a hesitant mutineer. “He would always wear these oversized jumpers, even through summer, pulling the sleeves over his knuckles. He’d get really defensive if I ever told him to take it off when he started to look ill from the heat. But he’d also never been happier. Sure, we spent less time together, but I didn’t want to take that happiness away from him. Kai was good for him in a lot of ways. Sometimes I wish they’d get back together, just to see him smile again like the way he used to.”

“You never know what goes on in someone else’s relationship.” Sehun voiced from behind the two. It was always the same with Oh Sehun: feet up on the desk and hands slick behind his head, looking as precocious as always reclining in his chair.

“No one asked you.” Lu Han huffed, rolling his dramatically lined eyes. Today, his dramatic eyeliner was matched with a thin, black leather chocker that was in stark contrast to his porcelain complexion.

“I don’t seem to remember either Kyungsoo or Kai asking you either, did they?”

“Kyungsoo’s my friend, I’m only looking out for him.”

“And Kai is my  _best_  friend. I worry about him every day, but you don’t see me getting involved in the past he clearly doesn’t want anyone else probing into.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” Lu Han chided, enjoying the hypocrisy of Sehun’s ‘wisdom’, and choosing to ignore his very sound logic in this instance.

“Excuse me?”

“Figure it out, smart aleck.” The bell decided to ring at this opportune moment, but instead of retrieving his math book, Lu Han picked up his phone from his desk and made his way for the door. Sehun’s eyes didn’t leave Lu Han for a second as he jogged to catch up to Lu Han in the hallway. He grabbed Lu Han by the hand, but was quickly pushed away before Lu Han stormed up the stairs. Sehun managed to chase him up to the rooftop, where it was just the two of them and the soft, autumn breeze playing with Lu Han’s auburn waves and Sehun’s platinum blond locks. He took a deep breath in before he could handle talking to Lu Han.

“That’s why you have such a problem with me, isn’t it? Because you don’t want anyone here knowing your past, and I had the balls to actually come up and ask you.” Sehun’s belated epiphany had Lu Han practically praising the sky with relief, falling to the floor in his signature boyfriend jeans and boat neck tee.

“I’ve only been asking you to leave it alone for how many  _months_  now.” He huffed, finally looking Sehun in the eye for the first time. Squinting against the sunlight, hand held above his face, he looked anything but precocious or privileged. That shell seemed to unfurl now that he saw him outside of the officious danger zone of public opinion. Sincerity was what lay beneath the blinding anger of Lu Han’s own preconceived ideas.

“You could have been a little bit clearer about that you know.”

“Would you have stopped just because I'd asked you pretty please?” They both knew that answer, so it was merely a matter of Sehun admitting the truth.

“Probably not.” He chuckled, scratching the back of his head and pacing the rooftop.

“This is funny to you?” Lu Han’s default harsh tone had Sehun covering his mouth to hold back his laughter.

“A little bit.” He managed to mumble, before composing himself. “I just–” His emotions got the better of him, and suddenly he was bursting with outright laughter, letting out a hearty, unrestrained giggle as he slowly went from standing, to rolling around and clutching his stomach. Lu Han could barely believe his eyes. The school’s most popular guy, who had been so cool and collected these last few months, was now pissing himself laughing on the roof in front of Lu Han.

“Yah, cut that out. What’s so funny anyway?” He frowned as he drew his legs into a crossed position. Sehun managed to pull himself together, sitting on his knees as he motioned Lu Han over with one hand. At first he eyed the dancer with suspicion, but slowly, he was drawn in by his persistent and patient calls.  _Curiosity, meet cat_ , Lu Han thought as he approached Sehun. The leader wasted no time once he’d set Lu Han in his sights. The second that Lu Han was seated, he reach forward, cradled his face from behind the ear and pulled their lips together, skirting his tongue along Lu Han’s bottom lip and pushing him back against the dusty flooring of the rooftop tiles. With a knee between his thighs and a sensual pair of lips that he hadn’t the energy (nor the will) to reject, Lu Han instinctively wrought his hands up the small flash of skin he saw along Sehun’s hips, gripping his sides as Sehun’s lips took a break for his teeth to begin palpating the soft tissue of Lu Han’s neck.

He didn’t expect the dancer he’d grown to hate to be so warm to the touch. He could feel himself burning an embarrassing shade across his cheeks as Sehun’s teeth worked hedonistic magic along his neck. The harder he bit into his shoulder, the tighter Lu Han gripped his hips, until he was left with a flourish of scarlet love bites over his overexposed neck and Sehun’s hips were red with crescent-shaped nail marks. Sehun’s teeth caught Lu Han’s lip again before the older impatiently pushed for another kiss, parting his lips for Sehun to slide his tongue inside and let the moment take them over, making them puppets of unspeakable pleasure.

Lu Han’s arms went loose in a moment of helplessness, letting his hands fall around Sehun’s belt and relax into his recline. The dancer responded by sitting up and moving his hands over the hem of Lu Han’s boyfriend jeans. Before Lu Han could swipe his hands away, Sehun had pulled up Lu Han's shirt to reveal a lengthy horizontal scar along his stomach, above a growing heat in his underwear that he didn't know could feel so good being pressed up against Sehun. Despite what his body was agonizing for, Lu Han couldn’t bear to look Sehun in the eye. The dancer merely caressed the edge of his jawline, pulling his face up again and looking him in the eye. He gently leaned in to ghost his lips along the soft edges of Lu Han’s ears, letting a warm whisper send chills throughout his body.

“I don’t care about your history at all. I just want you, like this. The  _now_  you.” Lu Han so desperately wanted to believe those words. He wanted to drop this cold, cagey act and just melt in the autumnal sun, in Sehun’s fiery embrace. But something in his instinctual drive for self-preservation pushed him away, before Lu Han sat upright again and dusted himself off.

“Just– go back to class already…” He whispered, rubbing his neck where Sehun’s teeth had left the mark of his confession. Sehun almost pitied Lu Han in this moment, as he wondered what had happened to him to earn him that scar, and how awful it would have had to be to make his personality this jaded. But the very curiosity that drew him to the beautiful transfer student was what also told him to let him be, for now. Lu Han stayed on the rooftop once he’d left, feeling horribly twisted up inside after the encounter with Sehun. For a second he felt like he could have completely lost himself in Sehun’s alluring hold, and that frightened him more than anything.

He didn’t think he was ready for anything that was even reminiscent of intimacy of that kind. How could he be, when deep down inside, he struggled with something greater than simple anxiety and insecurity? For months now he’d been pushing Fei back into a small box in the chamber of his heart. It was the only way he could keep her in check so that everyone would see Lu Han, and only Lu Han. But after one kiss, one touch from the boy who asked too many questions, that box rattled hard against the cage Lu Han had sealed her away in, and he was faced with the two conflicting faces of his soul that seemed to fight each other at every turn. He didn’t even know if he could integrate the two into something else, something he wanted to be, because what that was remained a complete mystery to the Lu child.

He’d lost track of time as he watched the city that enclosed the school bustle with people from the rooftop. Trains rumbled through the local station, and there wasn’t a moment where the adjacent main road wasn’t occupied by at least two buses. The bell for break sounded, and from the top of the roof it sounded like a distant whimper, like someone else’s problem. Feeling guilty for neglecting such a trusted friend like Baekhyun, he headed back to class to find Sehun and his band of merry dancers leaving his homeroom. Something in his expression must have been completely distraught, because Kai didn’t even give him another one of his vicious glares. The look on all of their faces, as they turned to follow their leader’s gaze, was all the same.  _Pity_. Except for Sehun's. A sliver of that same sincerity formed into a light smile on his expression, but Lu Han didn’t know what to make of it. He could feel his face burning up in the same way it had on the roof, so he slid back into class, catching a few worrisome looks. The only one that he took at genuine, face value was Baekhyun’s.

“Did something happen?” He asked in a hushed voice, as Lu Han pulled out a box of emergency chocolates to comfort himself, holding his hand over his neck to conceal the evidence of Sehun’s momentary control over him. “Your cheeks are flushed Lu Han! It’s kind of… Pretty.” Baekhyun smiled, thinking back to a certain friend he knew that blushed that color when he was much happier. “Kind of like, a peach.”

“What?” Lu Han’s terse tone didn’t out Baekhyun off. Quite the opposite actually, since he simply grinned and pinched Lu Han’s peach-tinted cheeks lovingly.

“It suits you! Such a pretty color.” Lu Han didn’t have a reply for that. He just smiled in silence for a few seconds, before offering Baekhyun a chocolate and continuing their usual chats like nothing had happened. The strange stares of pity stopped after that. When Sehun and Yixing returned to homeroom, the two exchanged a fleeting glance, before it became noticeable to everyone other than Baekhyun and Yixing what was going on. At the arrival of the teacher, Lu Han took out his world history book and opened it to find his next blank page bookmarked by a tiny, yellow post-it note.

_Call me_  
010-XXXX-0420  
_오ㅅㅎ_

Turning around in his seat, he was only met with a cheeky smile before Sehun delved back into his notes, looking authentically interested in whatever it was that Lu Han had been ignoring. On the bus back home, Lu Han had been lucky enough to get a seat, which afforded him the opportunity to read back over Sehun’s ‘anonymous’ note. His thumb wavered over the call button on his phone, when he remembered that he was on the bus, and the fact that he had no idea  _what_  he would say. He ended up messaging him a photo of the note to start the conversation rolling.

**From: OSH**  
What’s up?

**To: OSH**  
Why are you asking me? You’re the one who told me to call you.

**From: OSH**  
Maybe it was so I could ask how your day was.

**To: OSH**  
You have some seriously fucked up ways of finding entertainment Sehun.

Luhan locked his phone and dropped it back in his lap, ignoring the next message that came before his interest got the better of him.

**From: OSH**  
I’m not doing this to screw with you, 100% honesty! I just want to make sure you’re okay after what happened on the roof.

**To: OSH**  
I’m doing just fine thanks.

He stared at his phone a while longer, seeing that his message had been read but receiving no reply.

**To: OSH**  
Can I ask you something?

**From: OSH**  
Only if you promise me something in return.

**To: OSH**  
Name your price -,-

**From: OSH**  
Take some of the advice I give when I answer your question.

**To: OSH**  
Deal.  
Why did you kiss me?

**From: OSH**  
You STILL don’t get it? How do people express their feelings in China? Do you have some special ritual you have to perform or something?

**To: OSH**  
Rude. We don’t have a ‘ritual’, it’s pretty much the same as it is here. Except in China no one ever went around kissing me on rooftops!!!

**From: OSH**  
Well maybe no one in China appreciated you like I do.

**To: OSH**  
Omo, are you confessing to me over text?  _Daebak_. I didn’t think you were this kind of guy

**From: OSH**  
Maybe I have to confess this way because you never give me the time of day to tell you anything in person  >.>

**To: OSH**  
What’s this advice you have for me, I’m running out of battery.

**From: OSH**  
Meet me outside the studio I’m renting out tomorrow. I’ll text you the address tonight.

**To: OSH**  
Tell me now!

**From: OSH**  
I was going to tell you now anyway, I was just reminding you to meet me tomorrow.  
Not everything everyone does it to bring you down. Sometimes people just want to get to know you because they genuinely appreciate you.

Lu Han spent that whole Friday night mulling over the day’s events in his head. Kai and Kyungsoo’s mysterious relationship, Sehun’s abrupt kiss and confession, Baekhyun’s comment about his blushed cheeks. Why did such a popular, attractive and successful guy like him have feelings for naïve and brash Lu Han? He knew if this were to progress any further, he’d have to tell Sehun about her, if not for Sehun then for himself. But he didn’t want to face it. He questioned whether or not he’d really been fine these last few months. Losing Fei was the hardest thing he had ever experienced, and he hadn’t really connected with anyone after she’d died. Sure he had Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, but of course Lu Han hadn’t told them, and the burden of his past began to crush him between the weight of Sehun’s confession and his own conscience.

“You look pensive.” His brother said over dinner that night. Lu Han was pushing around the boiled egg in his delivery noodles like a toy rather than food, doing some more thinking.

“It was a pretty lame day. Kyungsoo was off sick all day, and I was feeling kind of light-headed, so I skipped math to get some air.”

“Don’t skip too many classes, or you’ll end up waiting tables in my restaurant as payment until the day you die.” He joked, playfully tapping the back of his younger brother’s head as they laughed. The rest of the night was spent lounging around, flicking through channels and letting idle chit chat fill the blank spaces of the night. The two brothers woke up to find themselves huddled together on the couch with the TV still running, and quickly scrambled to get ready for an early start. Lu Han checked his phone to find two missed calls and a message from Sehun.

**From: OSH**  
Where are you?

**To: OSH**  
Rough night, I slept in really late. Still home

**From: OSH**  
Are you alright?

**To: OSH**  
There’s an apartment block across from a restaurant called  _Lu’s Chinese_. Meet me outside there

Lu Han had no time to get ready and make it as far as Sehun’s dance studio in time to save him from a curiosity conniption. His need to know what was on Sehun's mind was nothing short of imperative. To that end, he quickly dressed himself in whatever clothes he had spare (form-fitted cotton jeans, a wool turtleneck and matching sneakers, all in black), threw on a light coat of makeup (eyeliner included) and grabbed his beige coat on the way out. In his haste, he ended up arriving first and having to wait for Sehun outside his apartment block, chilled by the day’s sudden turn of weather. He checked his phone regularly for any messages and to keep track of the time. Slightly irritated from his hungered, sleep-deprived state, he was ready to send a belligerent message about Sehun’s tardiness before a plush, white scarf was unexpectedly wrapped around his neck. He looked up to see Sehun’s thin, pale fingers skirting eloquently around his neck, tying the scarf in place. Lu Han suddenly felt warm and slightly light-headed, if the flush of peach across his cheeks was anything to go by.

“Have you ever seen your cheeks when you blush?” Sehun asked, peeking his face around from the side and smiling gently, like his schedule was completely free and he was just here, for nothing else except Lu Han.

“I feel like I should, since people keep telling me about it.” He jested, turning his eyes away shyly from the dancer and looking to his rushed, lop-sided laces.

“Was that a humble brag?” Sehun grinned, which made him roll his eyes exhaustedly in response.

“You caught me.” He sighed, feeling the soft threads of the scarf slip through his fingers as he adjusted it around his neck. He let Sehun have this victory, since trying to think of a comeback would have just been rude and far too draining.

“Here,” Sehun carefully cupped Lu Han’s cheek and used his thumb to blend a patch of makeup that was stood out a little to harshly. People began to stare as they passed the two boys, standing there in the middle of the footpath as one lovingly caressed the cheek of the other. Pins shot into Lu Han's heart under his electric touch, trying to regulate an even breath as he savored the plush sensation of Sehun's thumb against his skin. “That’s better.”

“What’s this all of a sudden?” Lu Han scoffed, shaking his head lightly. He couldn’t believe the boy that spent his spare moments teasing him from over his shoulder was now being this sweet and caring.

“What did I tell you yesterday, hm? Did you forget already? Not everything everyone does is to bring you down. Now can we find somewhere to talk? I don’t know this area that well, I took the bus here.”

“Let’s go eat.” Lu Han said, pointing over to the restaurant across the street. “I haven’t had breakfast yet and I’m starving.”

“Is that your parent’s restaurant or something?” Sehun asked, doing his best to keep a platonic distance between them as they walked.

“I don’t have any parents, I have my older brother.” Lu Han waited for the pity, the consoling platitudes he had grown accustomed to being spat on with, but none came. It was a nice change for Lu Han, who’d spent so long putting on a fake smile every time it came up in conversation that it began to hurt him more than just being upset. The two walked together in a comfortable, relieving silence, until they sat down behind a paper screen in their own booth in Lu Han’s family restaurant. He ordered a bowl of soup to invigorate his frenetic soul, whilst Sehun passed on his own dish.

“I’ve got dance practice right now, so I shouldn’t eat anything.”

“Why didn't you say anything? Don’t you need to practice so you’re good enough to debut or something?”

“Since when were you worried about my dancing?” No words came from Lu Han for a while, who chose this moment to tentatively take a huge mouthful of soup to collect his thoughts.

“Listen, before you tell me whatever it is you have to say, I need to get something straight first.” Lu Han’s voice dropped to a serious tone, almost a whisper under the surprising volume in the restaurant.

“If it’s about anything from your past Lu Han, I told you I’m not interested." Sehun's voice was resolute and forceful in his determination to stand by his new stance of Lu Han's past. "I just want you the way you are now. I don’t care about anything else.”

“You really think that scar means nothing?” He questioned, voice rising near to the brink of shrill.

“Of course it’s not nothing, but I don’t think you understand what I mean when I say it really isn’t important now.”

“Did you ever think maybe I just–” Lu Han capped his voice as he approached a scream, bottling in his frustration and standing bolt upright in his seat. “Forget about it. I don’t even know why I bothered.” He put one foot outside the booth when Sehun’s hand quickly latched around Lu Han’s wrist, pulling on his arm like a switch that put his whole body on standby.

“I’m sorry. If there’s something you want to get off your chest, I promise I’ll keep it a secret. Just, don’t leave yet. Please?” Lu Han's fist clenched in Sehun's grip, but he eventually relented and sat back down in the booth.

He went on to tell Sehun the story of a girl, with flowing brunette locks, scarlet nail polish and cheeks dusted a light peach. Without stating any red-light terms explicitly, he told him of how her story became that of a boy who went through life with half of himself missing, and how that boy came to meet another boy who asked too many questions. The first boy, who had been labeled so indignantly as cold and unfeeling, was actually happy and carefree before things changed. He hadn’t felt that way until a certain dancer chased him to a rooftop and kissed him for the first time in his life. He fought back tears to tell Sehun how the dancer was the only person who made him feel wanted, especially when the boy didn’t want to himself anymore.

Sehun put down all the cash he had in his wallet onto the table and dragged Lu Han out of the restaurant, walking back the way he came to a park across from the bus stop he’d arrived at. He brought Lu Han to a stone bench by a fountain in the center of the park, cradling him in a strong embrace and no words. He tried his best to stop crying, but with Sehun’s arms around his shoulders and the feel of his soft sweater against his cheek, he gave up and let his face run with black tears. His whole body wracked with each sob, and every time he let another moan escape, Sehun gripped him tighter and rocked him forward slightly to calm him down. He let time vaporize into a meaningless constant while his world condensed into the warm confines created between Sehun’s pristine white sweater and his seemingly colossal embrace. When Lu Han finally lifted his head to reveal black streams running down his face and a splotchy eyeliner stain on Sehun’s sweater, the two broke out into light grins over the convoluted situation they’d woven themselves into, wondering how all of this was even possible.

“I’m so sorry…” He whimpered into the soft fabric. He repeated the words as if he’d done Sehun a foul injustice by telling him his secret.

“Stop. I care about  _you_ , and only you." Sehun repeated. "Not about Fei, or about your life in China. I just want Lu Han, the beautiful transfer student who sits in front of me, to give me a chance.” Lu Han held back a smile in a feigned grimace before hitting Sehun’s chest weakly.

“Idiot, I just gave you your chance.” He sniffed, looking the dancer in the eyes and rubbing his eyes dry, leaving a slight smudge of eyeliner on the back of his hand. “And you passed.” He affirmed with a quick kiss to the cheek. Sehun couldn’t contain his overwhelming joy after that, making sure to hold Lu Han’s hand firmly in his as he walked them to the bus stop, where they sat in silence as they listened to their respective playlists and eased into a relationship-appropriate proximity. They'd gone from sitting three inches apart, to Sehun resting his head on Lu Han's shoulder while the transfer student watched an unfamiliar district of the city pass by on their journey, until they arrived at the studio where Sehun was supposed to have been practicing. Though to Lu Han’s dismay, he had not been practicing alone.

“What is Medusa’s Spawn doing here?” Kai jeered, looking Lu Han over once and twisting his expression into something unpleasant. Lu Han opened his mouth to prepare a retort, but Sehun grabbed his hand first and held it tight, pulling Lu Han closer into his shoulder and addressing to his dance crew.

“ _He_  has a name, it’s Lu Han, and Lu Han is going to manage the music while we practice. Got it?” Kai’s version of an answer was to huff about and pull his shirt off, whilst the other guys nodded without complaint before getting into their positions. They were lucky enough not to have had their faces slammed into tables by Lu Han, so they didn't really feel either way about him. Satisfied with his group’s compliance, Sehun then went to hand Lu Han his sweater, revealing nothing but a mesh shirt covering his toned, slender torso. All the other dancers had singlets on under their mesh shirts, except for Sehun and Yixing, whilst the only clothing that Kai wore from the waist up was a pressed, silver cat face on a thin chain around his neck. Managing the music was simple under Sehun’s directions (‘back up ten seconds’, ‘stop’, ‘skip ahead to the bridge’), but after twenty minutes or so, he felt his phone begin to vibrate in his back pocket.

“Kyungsoo?”

_“Hey! Baekhyun told me what happened yesterday, are you okay?”_  Lu Han struggled to make out the words over the music, so he quickly ran around the back of the dancers and made his way to the door outside, where he might have more luck.

“Kyungsoo, I can’t hear you, you’re–” Opening the door, he was faced with a short, black haired boy in an oversized wool jumper that he held over his knuckles, face lit by the phone he held to his face. “You’re right in front of me.” There was a strangely disappointed tone in Lu Han’s voice as he hung up his phone and looked Kyungsoo over, nodding slightly as he held the door ajar. “Nice jumper.”

“Oh– it’s not mine…” Kyungsoo said, biting his lower lip and giving a telltale look inside the studio, to the only dancer who had dropped from the group to barrel Lu Han out of the doorway.

“Hey, are you alright?” A heaving, sweaty Kai asked as he quickly enveloped Kyungsoo in an embrace. Suddenly,  _everything_  began to fall in place. If this were a cartoon, Lu Han would have dozens of light bulbs flashing above his head right now.

“Oh, that’s– oh…” Lu Han’s jaw had dropped slightly at the sight of Kyungsoo and his not-so-evil and not-so-ex boyfriend back together, finally seeing what Baekhyun meant by a smile of true happiness from Kyungsoo.

“What’re you staring at, vixen?” Kai shot vehemently, to which Kyungsoo gave a loud smack to his chest.

“Kai, be nice, he’s my best friend.” The smack left five short red lines over his glistening skin, as Kyungsoo’s palm had been cushioned by his boyfriend’s own jumper.

“But I thought Baekhyun was your best friend, not  _him_.” Kyungsoo’s cheeks began to burn at Kai's tactless remarks.

“I can have two best friends, silly. Now  _play nice,_ " He demanded. "I’m sick of seeing you two fighting. There’s only so long before playing both sides is going to rip me into two, very cranky Kyungsoos.” Neither of them had to like it, but something about the moment forced the two into a makeshift truce of sorts. They exchanged identical expressions of discontent and didn’t say a word to each other, which Kyungsoo was happy to accept for now. “Good. Now get back inside.” He ordered, chaperoning both of them inside and pushing Kai back into practice. Wiping off his boyfriend's sweat on the hem of his jumper, Kyungsoo sat himself against the wall beside Lu Han, who was still a little bewildered by how his day was turning out.

“You look like absolute shit. What happened to your makeup?”

“Sehun happened.” He grinned, pulling out his phone and looking himself over. “Holy shit, he said I looked fine!”

“Rule number one with boys who like you. They’ll always tell you what you want to hear.”

“Do you have these rules written down somewhere? I kind of need a crash course in this stuff ASAP.”

“You’ll learn soon enough.” Kyungsoo grinned, stretching out his legs and watching his arrogant, yet charming boyfriend let the music flow through him and make beautifully perfected choreography.

“Okay, I have to ask.” Lu Han started, turning to face Kyungsoo and not the dancers. “Baekhyun tells me you used to wear huge jumpers like that when you were dating Kai, even during summer.” Kyungsoo simpered and nodded knowingly, still keeping his mind and eyes on Kai.

“You’re thinking the exact same thing Baekhyun thinks, that Kai used to hurt me when we were dating?” Though Baekhyun never implicitly expressed this worry, it was written between the lines.

“You said he had an out of control temper.” Lu Han reminded, thinking back to their conversation in the cafeteria not so long ago.

“No no, I said he was out of control  _impulsive_.” Kyungsoo corrected. “Wearing another guy’s jumper, especially your boyfriend’s, is actually the most comforting thing in the world. It’s like he’s there holding onto you, even when he’s not. See, Kai knows this, so he always bought new jumpers on impulse, so that he can give me his old ones to wear. His parents got really upset with him for spending all their money on clothes, but he’d just argue with them until everyone was blue in the face, crying and making up.” Lu Han was sort of speechless, and fully relieved that his and Baekhyun’s fears were completely false.

“Well that explains,  _a lot_. Except why you two got back together.”

“I thought that summed it up quite well actually.” Kyungsoo chuckled. The rent time of the studio was coming to an end, and Lu Han could already hear another group outside waiting to get in and practice. Kyungsoo diligently dried Kai off with a towel, whilst everyone else was left to dry themselves and make their way to the showers. Before stepping inside the bathroom, Sehun quickly took Lu Han by the waist and kissed him intensely in the hallway. Kai made vulgar noises, whilst the other guys cheered them on in a full 180 reversal from Lu Han’s first encounter with them all those weeks ago in the cafeteria.

“Want to come for dinner with us now?”

“Alright.” Lu Han answered, putting aside his anxieties to deliver a swift peck to Sehun’s lips, but too afraid to let him go just yet as he fumbled for his hands between them.

“Hey Sehun, can I invite a plus one to dinner as well?” Chanyeol boomed from the doorway, with nothing but a towel wrapped over his lower half. His leader was too enamored with holding onto the waist of his new love to answer, whilst more yells came from the showers.

“Hey, my boyfriend is out there Chanyeol! Stop showing off.” Kai yelled, whipping Chanyeol’s backside with his spare towel.

“Just, go shower.” Lu Han grumbled, pushing Sehun away and smiling. He and Kyungsoo waited patiently in the hall, sitting down against the wall before Kyungsoo’s sideward looks finally came to a head.

“Oh my gosh, here!” He yelled, pulling out a small black bag and throwing at Lu Han’s face. “Fix your makeup, you look like a tragic ex-girlfriend.” Lu Han diligently did as he was told, removing the atrocity of his eye makeup before reapplying it with a softer, more voluptuous look to his standard ‘don't fuck with me’ attitude.

“I can see how half of that ended up on Sehun’s sweater.”

“Shut up.” Lu Han tried to defend as he dropped the wing of the last of his eyeliner. “Happy now?” He asked, showcasing his fresh look with a few beats of his lashes.

“Much better.”

Dinner was a noisy bus ride further into the city, where the sun was starting to set and its light replaced by the energetic buzz of what made Seoul City so famous for its nightlife. It was difficult to find a restaurant that would house all eight of them, in addition to Chanyeol’s yet-to-arrive plus one, so they spent some time leisurely wandering en masse through the inner city streets. Sehun took every step with his hand laced through Lu Han’s, who still struggled to accept the reality of the two of them together. The dance leader gripped his hand tighter and kissed his cheek as they walked among the foray of familial banter.

“Relax, you’re shoulders are so tense.” Lu Han took this advice on board as well, loosening the muscles in his back until he felt comfortable again. He liked that the group around them didn’t stare him down with disdain anymore, since now he was quite literally walking in the heart of the group. His newfound calmness was quickly broken when he saw Chanyeol running up ahead to greet his plus one with a heated kiss, and an embrace that made the two of them nearly indistinguishable from each other. Lu Han’s shoulders immediately froze over with surprise, and Sehun was trying his best not to yelp in pain as his hand was crushed in the vice-like grip of Lu Han’s hand.

“Baekhyun?!”

“Lu Han?”

“Baekhyun!”

“Kyungsoo?!”

“Okay, this needs to stop.” Kai deadpanned.

“Since when did you two–”

“What are you talking about?” Baekhyun aimed at Kyungsoo. “When did  _you_ two–”

“Oh come on, does this really surprise you?”

“Okay, I think we could all benefit from maybe taking this inside?” Sehun tried to assert, but his leadership fell short when it came to the group’s boyfriends.

“No, what surprises me is  _those two!”_  He yelled, pointing at Sehun and Lu Han still ‘holding’ hands, Sehun gulping down on the pain of having his hand slowly pulverized.

“ _Us two_?" Lu Han retorted with a pointed finger back at Baekhyun. "We at least had warning, no one’s even seen you two together before!”

“What do you mean  _warning_? Everyone thought you hated each other until about five seconds ago!”

“Actually we’ve all known that Sehun was hot for Lu Han’s ass for months now.” Yixing corrected, followed by resounding nods from the EXO members.

 “I actually kind of suspected as much.” Kyungsoo said with a raised hand, but Kai quickly pulled it back down.

“Not now sweetie…” He whispered.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Baekhyun pleaded, looking hurt by his friend’s recent betrayal.

“You didn’t tell me that you liked him!”

“Him has a name…” Chanyeol tried to remind, much to no avail.

“Can we get a table for nine please?” Sehun asked the lady at the counter of the restaurant, hoping it would stop everyone’s finger pointing.

“Only if they stop screeching.” She said, pointing to Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, who immediately fell silent upon having the spotlight put on them.

“Don’t worry, they’ll  _behave themselves_ , won’t they?” Lu Han shot from Sehun’s side, eyebrows raised dominantly and tone reassuming his cold, unfeeling timbre for a few, brief seconds.

“Sorry, we’ll be quiet now.” They both bowed, and just like that, power couple and Sehun and Lu Han were founded in their role as leaders of whatever the hell this new, motley crew was.

“Okay, you two first.” Kyungsoo demanded from Kai’s shoulder, where his head was rested while the taller was busy frying perfectly rectangular strips of  _samgyeopsal_. “How did the two who famously divided our cafeteria end up holding hands and awkwardly kissing?”

“Are we dating?” Sehun asked as he looked to Lu Han, who he held by the waist as they sat together in the group booth.

“Don’t ask me, this is all your fault.  _Are_  we dating?” It seemed like they were practically married, the way they both worked to evade answering the question hot on everyone’s lips. When voices started to become raised over the issue, Sehun placated them by recounting the events of the day, leaving out the details of Lu Han’s past life as Fei. When the question was later turned back on Kyungsoo, he and Kai both stood by the story that they simply ‘got back together’, and that was all there was to it. Instead of arguing between the four of them, they all directed their efforts to getting the dirt on the most surprising couple in the booth.

“Okay, why Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo asked, to which the burgundy-tressed giant looked understandably offended. “No offense, you’re a great guy, but never in a million years did I picture you two getting together.”

“Chanyeol’s been teaching me guitar after school for a while now. We just kind of, I don’t know, fell in love.”

“By teaching guitar,” Sehun whispered down Lu Han’s neck, “he means they were banging.”

“Hey, don’t speak about my boyfriend like that!” Chanyeol protested with bloated cheeks full of pork belly.

“Oh come on, how many chicks and dudes have you ‘taught guitar’?” Kai teased, putting the last two words in inverted commas with his fingers.

“The only fret board seeing any action is the one in your pants man.” Yixing said, before devouring a handful of lettuce and pork to a booth full of thunderous cheers. Lu Han was so intoxicated with the volume of their repartee, that he almost missed the sound of his phone ringing in his pocket.

“Guys, be quiet.” Sehun told them, whilst Lu Han quickly leaned over the side of the booth and answered his phone. Before he could even get in a formal greeting, he was bombarded with what could only be described as belligerent white noise.

“ _Where the hell have you been? You ran out of my restaurant with some strange boy and I haven’t heard from you since? Is he a child predator? Are you okay Hannie?”_  Lu Han didn’t even bother answering his brother’s barrage of questions. He simply held the phone out for Sehun and sighed.

“It’s for you.” His fresh boyfriend looked understandably perplexed by this, but had a good idea of who it might be.

“Hello? My name’s Oh Sehun. I sit behind Lu Han in class… Yes, that was me, I’m sorry about that. I did pay for the meal– No it’s fine, please keep the change… We were at the dance studio downtown. I was practicing there with my dance crew, we have a performance in a few weeks… It’s called EXO… No, we’re not an idol group, but we’re training to debut in the near future. The performances are part of our training… Out for dinner in the CBD. No sir, Lu Han isn’t paying, please don’t worry.”

“What do you mean I’m not paying?” Sehun quickly silenced his boyfriend with a hand over Lu Han’s mouth, keeping his cool as he brought the conversation with Lu Han’s older brother to a charming close.

“Yes, I promise I’ll drop him home, there’s no need to worry. His friends Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are here with us… You take care as well sir. Goodbye.” He hung up the phone and passed it back to Lu Han, whilst everyone started at him with an unparalleled shock in their eyes.

“How many legal guardians have you sweet talked like that before?” Lu Han asked worriedly.

“About as many as the number of guitar lessons Chanyeol’s given.” Jongdae answered truthfully, to which the tension and bewilderment of the group quickly broke into laughter. The mood picked up after that, as many more jokes at the expense of Chanyeol, Sehun and even Kai were thrown about over good food and lots of water, since the dancers had been sweating buckets all day. Everyone except Lu Han split the bill, which wasn’t too expensive between the eight of them. From there, everyone broke off into groups as Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kai and Kyungsoo kept the night going with their own double date, whilst Jongdae, Junmyeon and Yixing went to the nearest arcade to make the trip into the city center worth while. Yixing bet Junmyeon a fully paid for movie and dinner night out, if he could beat him at the dance arcade game on hard mode, and Junmyeon looked more than enthusiastic to take on the challenge.

That left Sehun to escort Lu Han back to his apartment building, now that it was almost midnight and they had both been through a lot today. They sat on the back seat of the long bus ride, hands held and knees touching, as they shared a set of earphones and learned more about each other’s taste in music. Sehun had a much more dance-orientated taste, which was broad in its own right; from melancholy, operatic performances to energetic dubstep remixes. Lu Han’s taste favored vocal talent above all else, which was anything from a perfectly rhythmic rap line, to slow and romantic ballads. Occasionally their interests crossed over, but there wasn’t anything that one of them played that the other particularly disliked.

Upon returning home, Lu Han wiped off his second round of the day’s makeup, before falling asleep without showering or changing out of his clothes. The next Monday at school had him suddenly worried about practically everything, now that attention from Sehun was going to be at an all time high. He tried to maintain an air of continuity by defaulting to his favorite outfits (composed of assorted boat neck tees and ripped boyfriend jeans), but it wasn’t enough to convince anyone that things were still the same as they were on Friday. The first example of this was the sudden change in seating arrangement that Sehun had negotiated between Baekhyun and Yixing. Lu Han was apparently to swap seats with Yixing, so that he could sit next to Sehun and Baekhyun would be next to Yixing. Before even sitting down, Lu Han swapped back his draw with Yixing’s and reclaimed his seat beside Baekhyun, who was grateful to remain sitting with his best friend. Whilst nothing had permanently changed, the minute-long exchange had stirred an inflammation in gossip surrounding Lu Han and Sehun. Whilst the transfer student wasn’t exactly angry with the dancer, he couldn’t say he was pleased with his little stunt.

“Don’t be one of those boyfriends.” Lu Han whispered to Sehun, before turning back to face the teacher as class started. The cafeteria conundrum was the next to face. Lu Han arrived later than usual to find the EXO members, plus boyfriends, seated at one table, in the center of the cafeteria. The two factions seemed to have completely broken down, as people now sat wherever they damned well pleased, with no regard for the routine they’d carved into the last few months. An empty spot on the bench beside Sehun stood out expectantly, as everyone turned their heads to watch Lu Han’s next move. Mulling over his options, he spotted a break in the form of an empty table by the window, to which he seated himself in the soothing light of the sun. The EXO table now put their attention on Sehun, who looked over to see Lu Han quite content to be basking in the sunlit window, and shrugged off his worries. He would try not to be that boyfriend from now on.

Life seemed to ease into a new routine after that day. Lu Han and Sehun would spend some breaks together by themselves on the rooftop, passionately making out or chatting about this and that. Other times, he’d be happy to spend lunch by himself, or with Kyungsoo and Baekhyun joining him every so often, like the times when EXO took the day off for performances. Never did he and Sehun ever spend time together in the public eye of the school. When Sehun was the only member absent from school, Lu Han was known to spend lunch at the EXO table, but by the first time that happened, people’s interest in Lu Han had been all but forgotten.

There were two things Lu Han’s friends had begun to notice after the leader couple of their clique began dating. First, Baekhyun always saw Lu Han wearing a gorgeous shade of peach every time he and Sehun were in proximity, but on his own, his cheeks were the same, porcelain shade of pallid as the rest of his delicate complexion. The second thing that Kyungsoo had been particularly vigilant about over the passing weeks were the slightly baggy jumpers that Lu Han had been adding to his casual street fashion. He and Kyungsoo would always crack a smile when they caught each other wearing jumpers of identical size and boyishness. The best change of all were the days Sehun had free from practice and he would walk Lu Han home, usually stopping to grab  _hotteok_ or bubble tea along the way, just so they could spend a few more minutes together. After one such Friday afternoon, Lu Han had spent most of dinner waiting for his older brother to finish a phone call, which took the better part of ten minutes.

“What was that about?”

“Oh, just work. We’re having some product sourcing issues, but it’s nothing that I can’t fix tomorrow.” He did well to convince Lu Han that’s all it was, because when he woke up the next morning to find his brother had already left for work, he didn’t expect to find a single origami rose looped through the handle of the refrigerator, with a post-it note taped to it’s stem.

_Where I tied my scarf around your neck_

Too curious to even consider making himself breakfast, Lu Han quickly threw on a pair of jeans, an oversized cream tee that he tucked in, and the same white scarf Sehun had given him, before rushing out the house with his phone, wallet and coat. No makeup and soon-to-be winter temperatures were the reasons he quickly looped a silken surgical mask around his ears, before rushing to the bottom floor of the apartment block to see an orange paper tulip and matching post-it note stuck to the main door.

_Where you stained my white sweater_

“Aish, the nerve…” Lu Han jogged urgently to the park he and Sehun began their relationship, coolly walking to the bench where they’d sat while his eyeliner ran into his now boyfriend’s sweater. Reminiscing had made him all the more thankful that Sehun had stayed true to his word, when he said all he cared about was Lu Han for who he was now, and not who he used to be. He wanted to leave Fei to rest in peace, not to beat down her memory every day by refusing to let her go. It took him a little while longer, but he eventually discovered the folded sunflower and yellow post-it stuck to the underside of the bench.

_Where I invited you to dinner for the first time_

“Ugh, you really have no shame Oh Sehun, making me do all this running around.” Looking up, Lu Han saw the bus was almost at the stop across the road, which had him doing even more running so his curiosity wouldn’t torture himself waiting for the next bus. He let his mind wonder briefly to an album Sehun had recommended, filled with slow Korean ballads from the nineties that he found oddly charming. It calmed him down until the bus stopped outside the studio of fortuitous happenings. When he came to the door of that same room he’d first visited, things seemed to have come full circle as he found the final, white origami daisy resting on the handle of the door. Holding it in his hand with the rest of his bouquet, he depressed the lever handle to reveal a completely empty dance studio, save for the sweet flower boy sitting in a white sweater with a black stain on the front, on what appeared to be a picnic blanket judging by the wicker basket beside him. He held out a white square of paper, on it written a final note.

_Where I used to come to try and (unsuccessfully) put you out of my mind,  
before I realized how madly in love with you I was._

Lu Han dropped the note and the flowers onto the picnic basket and gently landed himself in Sehun’s lap, arms wrapped around his neck and back hunched as he fumbled with Sehun’s lips between his teeth, deepening the kiss and pushing him back into the plush blanket beneath them. Sehun pulled out Lu Han’s shirt so that he could move his hands up his back beneath his coat, feeling the heat roll from his skin. Even after their junior high make out session ended, they stayed wrapped around each other, with Lu Han rested his head on Sehun’s chest, lying in the empty practice room in perfect happiness.

“We graduate soon.” Sehun sighed loudly, looking into his chest to play with the ends of Lu Han’s choppy bangs.

“So what? Unless, you’re planning on leaving Seoul after graduation?” These kinds of plans had been put aside in conversation when the only thing they were looking toward was the other.

“Of course not, but…” Sehun struggled to articulate his thoughts. The right words had always been something he thought he was particularly quick with, but in this moment, he found himself severely lacking.

“What is it?” Lu Han asked, looking to the eyeliner stain he’d left on Sehun’s sweater while he waited.

“I worry that you’ll want to go back to China, or you’ll go to university somewhere prestigious and far away, and we’ll have to be apart.”

“Well take solace in the fact that I have absolutely  _no_  interest in going back to China.” Lu Han reassured stiffly.

“Really?”

“Really. What if someone was to recognize me? I have a really beautiful face you know, it’s hard to forget.” Lu Han grinned, kissing the edge of Sehun’s immaculate jawline teasingly before returning to playing with the eyeliner stain. “I didn’t know if I should tell you this before graduation but, I think I know what I want to do now.”

“Why were you going to wait?”

“Well it’s something I’ve been pondering for a while now, and I know it’s a really demanding job, so I didn’t know if you’d approve.”

“As long as it doesn’t take you away from Seoul, I can’t imagine why I’d disapprove.” Sehun’s mind reeled at any other jobs he thought met this criteria but he might not like, and thankfully came up empty.

“So you’d support me if I told you I wanted to become a producer?” Lu Han had given up on becoming a singer, since stardom stripped you of your privacy, and he couldn’t risk a fan base finding out about Fei. But he still loved music, and wanted to do something creative and rewarding. Hard work had never put Lu Han off. After all, he only had to remember the boy he was dating, and he felt he could tackle any mountain of work.

“Television? Like Hello Baby or Superman Returns, that kind of producer?” Sehun’s mind was veering off course.

“Less children and more idols. Like Real 2PM or Big Bang TV.” Lu Han corrected before sitting up, holding onto Sehun’s hand on his hip, still wrapped beneath his shirt.

“Well while you’re studying for the PD test, I’ll work hard to become an idol, and I’ll make sure you produce EXO’s first show.” Sehun grinned, pressing his lips into the soft crook of Lu Han’s neck, making him giggle brightly.

“I worry that you’ll go on to become an idol and we’ll drift apart because of schedule conflicts.” Lu Han confided, closing up his neck to force his dancer boyfriend to attention. “What if you become super famous and you’re on tour all the time?”

“Would you still love me?”

“Of course I would, you should know that.”

“Then I guess we’d just make the most of the time we’d have together. But first, let’s take each day as it comes.” The final whisper of that sentence dripped along Lu Han’s neck like sweet honey, which Sehun quickly took back with soft, suckling kisses back up his neck to his jawline. Lu Han’s breath floated out of his lungs as he gripped the side of Sehun’s head, rolling his body under the pleasure of Sehun’s lips.

“How much longer have you got this place rented out for?” Sehun snatched up his phone to check the time, before throwing it into the picnic basket and kicking it across the studio floor, making room to stretch out his legs and place a hand over Lu Han’s stomach.

“Plenty.” He was either a much more seasoned lover than Lu Han had already been lead to believe, or he’d been prepared for this eventuality. He’d already brought with him a few other tricks of the trade to sweeten the moment, and diligently put them to use for Lu Han’s benefit. He of course couldn’t believe they were doing this. With his head swimming in clouds of pure bliss, he could barely tell which way was up when they found themselves completely naked and closer than ever. The picnic blanket was large enough to be their bed and sheets, as they twisted in all kinds of angles while Sehun gently found his hands gripping around Lu Han’s bare, pearlescent hips. The inhibitions that kept his knees together all those months ago on the rooftop were now in tatters, as he reveled in the feeling of Sehun rolling inside of him. Sehun enjoyed watching Lu Han’s whole body sway and rock with every push he gave from the hip.

Somewhere along the line they shifted positions, with Lu Han’s arms outstretched along the ground as Sehun knelt in front of him, carefully threading himself inside Lu Han with more vigorous and forceful pushes. Lu Han’s fingers gently ghosted over Sehun’s bony, sensitive hips, sending shivers throughout his body like an electric shock. He moaned at the tenuous pressure wrenching inside of himself, head firmly pressed into the blanket beneath him as his back arched ever so slightly. The two were tangled in each other like contortionist lovers, with Lu Han seated up right and Sehun forcing himself in from below, biting into Lu Han’s collar bone and dragging nails up his back. With fingers knotted in his hair and Lu Han on top of him, it was a wonder that Sehun had lasted this long before exploding in a blindly gratifying moment of intimacy, rocking more pain and pleasure into Lu Han. It forced the two into a climax that had both of them yelling out the other’s name, before forcing their lips together as they lay down beneath the picnic blanket shroud. They lay there for another ten minutes, Sehun’s arm over Lu Han’s shoulders, who had the picnic blanket snugly pulled over his chest, leaving both of them exposed from the knee down and Sehun from the sternum up. Through all Lu Han had endured this last year, with the death of Fei and the birth of Lu Han, he was enraptured by the current high his body was on after finally being able to connect with another human being in such an intimate manner.

“You know I’m not someone who spews out their feelings a lot,” He started, rolling onto his side and curling his fingers on Sehun’s chest, beaded with slick dabbles of sweat. “But this means so much to me, I can’t tell you just how much…” His voice trailed off when he supplemented his failing words with an honest kiss.

“Because of Fei?” Sehun asked, to which Lu Han nodded and then turned his gaze back up to the ten-foot tall ceiling, which felt as distant as the sky to him right now.

“I didn’t know how I was going to live after the surgery, when I went to sleep as Fei and woke up as Lu Han. It was… somewhere between slipping into someone else’s body and at the same time, having your own body torn up by a stranger to make you something your not. At your core, you’re still the same person you always were, but you look in the mirror and there’s nothing you recognize about this person.”

“So,” Sehun interjected, trying to get a better understanding of what Lu Han was going through. “It’s like Fei is still a part of you, inside, but on the outside you’ve taken on Han, and altogether you’re someone in between?”

“In the beginning, it was like walking around with one half of my body being Fei and the other half was this stranger. It was as if people could see the Frankenstein-like stitches over my body where she and he were.” Lu Han cringed at the memories when he’d first cut his hair and started dressing like a boy, in some of his brother’s old clothes when money was particularly tight. Maybe it was because he would have looked homeless by China’s standards, or the fact that he was still freshly bruised and sore from the surgeries, but the stares he copped from everyone he passed was like a thousand needles and scalpel cuts, sans the anesthesia. “But now, I think the two are starting to blend together, becoming that someone in between. I’m getting better at balancing the girl inside and the boy that everyone sees. I want people to see me and not be able to pin a gender on me. Androgyny with sass.” He simpered cutely.

“You know I’ll be there for you, no matter what choices you make about yourself. I love you for what’s here,” He put a warm palm under the blanket and over Lu Han’s chest, feeling his heart rate pick up about twenty beats per second at his sensual touch. “And I’m not going to give this up any time soon.”

“Thank you…” Lu Han whispered, as a tear escaped the corner of his slightly smudged eyeliner. Sehun planted his dry lips against Lu Han’s hairline and held him together against his chest with a monkey grin plastered over his face.

“Aish, you should buy some waterproof eyeliner! Or at least some eye primer.” Lu Han scolded him fifty ways to Sunday about how he was too damn curious about Sehun’s cryptic notes to bother with primer or setting spray before coming here. With their rent of the studio drawing to a close, they both clothed each other and packed up the messed picnic blanket in a plastic bag, tossing it in the trash on the way out. Their hands didn’t separate until Sehun walked Lu Han up to the front door of his apartment, and Lu Han thoughts drifted back to last night’s dinner.

“You conned my brother into getting him to leave the notes around town, didn’t you?” He deduced, holding the door open as he waited for Sehun’s shrug of an answer.

“Guilty as charged. I didn’t want to risk you waking up while I left the note and rose in your house.”

“Well they’re really pretty flowers.” He smiled, holding up one of his slightly crinkled roses to his cheek. “Do you, want to spend the night?” Lu Han winked, grinning devilishly as he held the door open a little wider.

“Isn’t your brother going to be home soon?”

“We can do other things than practice  _that_  again you know.” He scolded, rolling his eyes and waiting expectantly for Sehun to hurry up and get inside.

“Right.” He grinned, shaking his head of such tempting thoughts and following Lu Han up to his apartment. They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other as they cuddled and petted on the couch, with a fortuitous showing of  _Music Bank_  playing in the background.

“So that’s going to be you one day.” Lu Han said, pointing to the idol group performing on screen.

“And you as well.” He added, circling the screen with gestures to the set. “Behind the scenes of course.” Lu Han smiled childishly and pressed a firm kiss to Sehun’s cheek, before snuggling back into his chest and watching the stage. A few minutes later during some adverts, the sound of the security PIN being put in was followed by the appearance of the older Lu brother carrying two plastic bags of takeaway dinner.

“I’ve got one  _jjajangmyeon_ , a  _galbitang_ , and I call dibs on the  _samgyetang_.” He announced, setting out the plastic containers on the small excuse of a dinner table and grabbing some chopsticks from the kitchen.

“Why did you get three?” Lu Han asked, getting up from the couch with Sehun’s hands around his waist and inspecting the dishes. He then looked from his boyfriend to his brother sceptically, as if some conspiracy was at work against him again.

“I had a hunch, but I also kind of wanted to save the  _galbitang_  for tomorrow.” His brother said, just as Sehun went to peel the lid off of said  _galbitang_.

“I– I can always eat something else–”

“Sit down and eat kid.” He instructed, handing him a spoon and chopsticks. “I wanna get to know the guy who my Hannie can’t stop talking about.” Lu Han eyed his brother with a flat expression over his  _jjajangmyeon_ , until he got his facts straight. “Okay, if Hannie  _was_  that type of person, then he wouldn’t be able to stop talking about you, put it that way.” Slowly, Sehun sat down precariously in his seat, looking visibly strained and, if Lu Han didn’t know any better, nervous.

“Don’t worry, you caught him at a good time. He’ll eat the  _samgyetang_ , so consider yourself safe.” He giggled before taking a cautious slurp of noodles, wary not to spray anyone (especially Sehun’s already stained jumper) in  _jjajang_  sauce. Sehun and the elder Lu brother seemed to get on well, though Lu Han suspected as much since together they’d engineered the very recent fall of Lu Han’s pants (though this was most likely not his brother’s intention). Sehun told him about his upcoming debut in the near future with members of his ever-growing dance crew– they’d since recruited members Minseok and Kris, who were both fellow agency rookies. He had also not so subtly turned the spotlight onto Lu Han when he mentioned his dream of becoming a PD, which had Lu Han’s brother practically jumping up in down with his hands in the air.

“Yah, what’s got you so happy?” Lu Han scoffed with a mouthful of noodles, looking nonchalant as he judged his ‘older’ brother’s juvenile behavior.

“Did you not do any research? Becoming a PD takes at  _minimum_ , two years of study. That’s two years you can be working in my restaurant, and then you can become rich and I can retire comfortably in your big house.”

“I’m getting a single bedroom apartment just to deter this wayward dream of yours, you know that right?” Lu Han put his chopsticks down and reached over the table, pinching his brother’s cheeks cutely and making strange, baby-like noises at him. Sehun had never seen his boyfriend like this. He’d underestimated how close the relationship was between these two in the wake of their parents’ death and the move from China. Of course, it could be a perfectly normal sibling relationship, since Sehun had no such frame of reference to judge it against, being an only child. He entertained the notion of a brother-in-law if he and Lu Han were ever to transform their relationship into a marriage. He was apparently not alone in this line of thought.

“Hopefully you’ll be sensible enough to buy a house as soon as you get married, so you can settle straight into a family life when you two get hitched.” His older brother advised, pointing between the lovebirds with his spoon before taking a slurp of soup, which split the still air like a knife. “Of course you two are too young to be thinking about marriage just yet.”

“What’s with you all of a sudden? Gay marriage isn’t even legal here, and you’re trying to get me to settle down with kids.”

“Who said you need some law to recognize your marriage for it to be real? If the two of you truly love each other, enough to start a family together, then the only people you need to validate that are each other.” His attitude had become so serious he started pointing his spoon from his brother to Sehun, a stern expression furrowing his brow. “And by family I mean kids as well. I want nieces and nephews to watch grow up! Maybe one of them would become rich and let me retire comfortably on a beach or something. My hopes in you have been crushed.” He feigned a crying sniff, before turning on the puppy eyes as he sipped on his  _samgyetang_.

“Yah, of course you can live in my house. But in a granny flat, so I don’t have to see your old bones every day. I’d need my own space too!”

“ _We’d_ , need our own space.” Sehun corrected, which drew both of the Lu’s attention to himself.

“ _Daebak!_  You’re really serious about my brother aren’t you?” Lu Han’s expression folded into a poorly suppressed grin, biting down his slightly blackened lip and holding Sehun’s gaze like a powerful magnet. “Aish, you’re so lucky Hannie…”

“Yeah, I am.” Lu Han grinned. This was the boy he’d hated months ago, who infuriated him for what now seemed like the most childish of reasons. This boy was now one of the few things that helped ease the ripped edges between Lu Fei and Lu Han. No longer did he paint his cheeks in a flattering peach blush to give his skin a lustrous tone. Now, the color in his skin was totally natural, and it was all thanks to the persistent nagging of one ardent dancer. The looks the two were giving each other were the first sign of a road that the older brother in the room was distantly familiar with.

“Hey, no funky business in my house!” His brother warned. “It’s bad enough I have to be single while my brother goes falling in love at the drop of a hat, I don’t want that rubbed in my face right in my sanctuary.”

“Alright alright. But Sehun’s spending the night here, it’s way too late for him to take the bus home now.” Lu Han insisted, looking out to the black sky over the balcony, as if he needed to prove his point.

“Fine, fine. But if you two are banging in the middle of the night–”

“WOAH, UNCALLED FOR!” Lu Han yelled, whilst Sehun tried his best not to laugh out loud as they argued in the most jovial of ways. Thank goodness the couple had gotten it out of their system at the dance studio, because cuddling up to Sehun in his cramped single bed was the single most soothing experience Lu Han had yet to discover being in a relationship. It was warm, comforting and above all, he felt safe with Sehun’s arm tightly bound over his stomach while he let his lids slowly fall shut.

He thought about what his brother was saying about getting married, and wondered if he and Sehun would ever tie that particular knot. A year ago, he was worried about entrance exams and perfecting online makeup tutorials. Now, he was staring down the barrel of the real world, and the very chilling reality of the trials he was about to face with this new responsibility of freedom. He’d come to accept the fact that it wasn’t going to be easy, but never really thought what this kind of life would look like outside of the scope of high school. One thing he knew for sure was that it was going to be a lot easier with the support of having someone like Oh Sehun to hold hands with through this adventure.

This was where it all started: Lu Han’s third, postgraduate life, as Oh Luhan.

* * *

A/N: Yay! A happy ending, with romance all 'round~ I hope this story maybe made you think a bit, but above all else I hope you enjoyed reading it! Feel free to contact me in the comments, by PM or the plethora of SNS links below. ScarletK out!

     >>> Here is my tumblr, [scarletk21.tumblr.com](http://scarletk21.tumblr.com), my twitter, [@ScarletK21](https://twitter.com/ScarletK21) and my [AsianFanFics profile, ScarletK](http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/299116) ✯  
          > All of it is pretty much K-Pop. Feel free to drop me a message or a question, I'm always happy to chat ｡◕‿◕｡


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